just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
