I want to make a zoo with you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
third nipple confirmed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
