i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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