dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
