i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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