he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
