I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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