So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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