I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The feeling are messing with the penis
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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