I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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