I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
