dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
