Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
