he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
