All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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