I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
