Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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