My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
