She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize