Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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