Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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