Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The adults are the big ones right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
