This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
