So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
