i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
