I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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