ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
