Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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