Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Couch. On fire.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
