I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is my gift to your gina
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
