so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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