i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
