Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
