I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
