you turned your livingroom into a bong?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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