Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
