to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
