is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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