That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
