im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
