I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
