alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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