I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
