Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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