I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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