He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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