How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
