i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
