dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
