Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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