I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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