you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
