so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
