I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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