i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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