I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
