Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
