I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
