Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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