I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
