i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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