my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
