It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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