We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she looked like the before picture.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
