i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
