I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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