Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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