i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
