Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
