bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
