Are we in a gay sports bar?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
