Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
