Sponge bath it is.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
