Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
