dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
