Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you never un-have a 4some
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
