Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So vagazzling was a success
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