Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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